poem #2

Slowly approaching realness

Explaining to myself that I knew my purpose would be those horrific highlights within the tests throughout my time

Letting myself know that when I decided to place my feet into pure waters I would be supreme of my prime

Understanding that I could be misunderstood

Praying I’ll never steal time to listen to the devil who is forever the antonym of good

Having the certainty and the knowing that God sent me here to be me

Be me in Him

That’s the only way a I’ll be able to truly breathe

Even with filth in the air

The only way I can remain senseful

While staring in the face of despair

It is my journey

And I’m grateful to still have more to add to my testimony

I ran away from the truth that would always seep through the cracks and taunt me

My mind was in a jail and I had to release myself

I had the key

God was only waiting for my exhale

So do what you must with me

Help me fill hearts with purity

Substantial stumbling will not have me crumbling unless I decide to get on my knees

And pray that you keep me in realness and you keep me at your plead

m.j.j

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The Spatula

The Spatula

About two weeks ago on a calm Tuesday night after I had just gotten done finishing up some homework and attempting to get ready for a hibernation, I heard God say to me “go wash the dishes“. I wanted to wait until the morning to do so but it would be a clear act of disobedience if I decided to ignore the direction given to me.

Needing entertainment, I decided to plug my earbuds into my closed ears and listen to Andra Day’s “Rise Up”. While getting halfway through the dish load, I came face to face with the battle of trying to get dried pancake mix off of a spatula. There was one particular area that I couldn’t just scrub off, so I tossed it to the other side of the sink to wash it last so I could have “time” to scrub harder. But then I heard something in me say “don’t give up on that spatula”.

Definitely comical I know, but I automatically knew what God was telling me. There had been this one thing in my life that I felt as though I couldn’t seem to shake off, and while trying to remove it from my life I would give up after failing and would hope to be better during my next attempt. So in that moment I knew God was telling me that the one thing I had been struggling with is not something to give up on and come back to later, I have to continue to “scrub” it away, one aggressive back and forth motion at a time. Because if I held it off for a later date, it’ll be that much harder to get rid of.

So you bet I picked the spatula back up and it only took a couple of scrubs to get the remainder of the pancake mix off of the spatula.

Which had me thinking at the time, what if I’m already close to conquering this hardship? And that if I gave up on trying to get rid of it, it’ll just stay inside of me, which won’t give me peace.

And I’m happy to say now, that I think I’m about 99.9% there, I feel better that I haven’t given up GIVING UP something that would only take away the beauty of my bloom.

So whatever your gunk on your spatula may be, get it off. And don’t give up when you’re feeling as though the harder you scrub the more stubborn the gunk is, because you have the power to scrub it away.

The power is in your hands.

Literally.

It’s amazing how God can bring a task as little as washing dishes to open your eyes to something, with the help of an inspirational tune from Andra Day.

Poem #1

I don’t know where I’m going but I know if I stop myself I’ll never get there
I don’t know who I’ll be loving but if I never let you go
Who knows who will be there
If I continue to doubt myself
How can I live to my greatest potential
If I believe in God
Then why won’t I just let Him hold me in His hands
If I don’t do what I love
Then it’ll just let it fall in your hands
If I constantly worried
Then how could I live in this still moment
If I buried myself
How can I appreciate what was coming
If I waited for your recommendation
Then I’d be discrediting myself
If I believed in you more than I believed in me
Then there would be nothing to give
If I beat myself up for every mistake
Then how could I stop those doubting thoughts from coming
If I lose it all for the world
Then my life shouldn’t be worth knowing

-m.j.j